Maybe you were looking through the credit card bills and found something suspicious that you decided to ask about, perhaps you sensed something just wasn’t right, maybe they blurted it out, maybe you caught them in the act, or maybe it is a combination of events. No matter the unique circumstances, finding out your partner is sexually addicted is painful and confusing.
If you’ve been impacted by sex addiction, it’s important to know you’re not alone! Although everyone’s experience is different there can be some common themes when discovering your partner has a sex addiction.
Deceit and Betrayal
The secret of your partners sexual addiction not only changes the way you see your partner, it can impact the way you see your relationship. Realizing that your spouse has been living a double life can rock your own reality and call into question memories, feelings, and your sense of self.
Not Being Able to Process or Ask Questions
Finding out about your partner’s sexual addiction may prompt you to ask questions and gain clarification, a natural response. With sex addition however, there is so much shame and secrecy that it is incredibly difficult for a person actively engaged in their sex addiction to answer with true transparency. This leaves you in the dark, feeling like your questions are shut down, not honestly answered, and not important. You may feel afraid to ask questions for fear of being lied to, AGAIN, or perhaps you’re afraid to know the hurtful details. You could feel blamed for the addiction by your partner when you attempt to broach the topic. You may think you need to turn your attention solely on helping your sexually addicted spouse rather than look at the impact the addiction has you.
It is important to know that discovering your spouse is sexually addicted is a very intense experience. You are allowed to ask questions and request information! If you don’t feel safe talking directly with your partner try to connect with someone you trust. Connecting with a support group or a counsellor is highly recommend for anyone impacted by sex addiction. Keeping this experience to yourself can leave you feeling isolated and may cause you to feel an incredible sense of shame. Healing from discovery is possible.